The Onion has been slipping for a long time, with longer and longer periods between sidesplitters, but they are back on this week:
WASHINGTON—Reports surfaced Tuesday that the New York–based Fox News Channel has obtained a tape which purportedly features another cryptic video message from U.S. vice president and known extremist Dick Cheney, widely regarded as the most feared man in America.
[The grainy image of the characteristically unsmiling Cheney is hilarious but I don't know how to copy it here without linking to the website]
Cheney calls on Americans around the world to join the fight in Iraq.
"We have analyzed the tape, and the voice on it matches up with earlier recordings of the vice president," said CIA spokesman George Little, who claimed the tape may contain valuable clues regarding the location of the elusive Cheney, who was last sighted in late 2005 along the border of Maryland and Virginia.
"Though more specific details on his whereabouts have yet to emerge, we do know two things," Little added. "Dick Cheney is still alive, and he is out there somewhere."
Read the whole thing. THe last line is the best.